Friday, November 04, 2005

To Be a Friend or Not?

Since I was little I guess my friend making ability was shattered. I was a friendly kid and wanted to please everyone. I guess I let myself get walked on by a certain "friend" and that broke my spirit. I built up walls and they are still standing today. I would go to school, do my work and come home. I kept myself pretty much away from everyone. In middle school I was offered a place in a honor club but I was scared to get involved so I refused. Finally made a friend in middle school but she ended up moving close to the border of Mexico so that bombed out.

Now here I am 25 years old and no close friends. My husband says it is because I do not put myself out there. I thought he was right so I've tried my very best to be more open and crumble the walls. I am a shy person so it is hard. I have talked to a girl in church who is my age and tried to set things up with her. She always agrees but then it falls through. That makes me wonder if she really wants to go do something or does she just say yes to answer? I mean, how many times can something "just come up" on the date we set up?

Also I have a few internet "friends" but they seem to be the type that they will talk to me when they have no one else to talk to. Like the little kid picked last on the playground. It really sucks when you e-mail them and they won't reply when you know they have been on the computer and have had time to talk to everyone else but not you.

Oh well, to be a friend or not? Just tired of always being the one to put forth the effort.


Blogger ***melanie*** said...

It's truly amazing how many women feel like this. I don't really have any advice for you, but want to say I feel your pain.
I sometimes wonder if I will ever have any new female friends. I have two or three good friends but we all live in different states. It's hard to stay connected.
My last good friend started seeing my husband (Ex) behind my back. Girls kind of suck, eh?

6:07 PM  

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